CONFESSIONS OF A DYLAN FAN
Comments by Bob Dylan on his record label's site
(Columbia) pertaining mostly to a "China controversy," however, the
last paragraph is as follows:
"Everybody knows by now that
there's a gazillion books on me either out or coming out in the near future. So
I'm encouraging anybody who's ever met me, heard me or even seen me, to get in
on the action and scribble their own book. You never know, somebody might have
a great book in them."
Whereas I've written two novels but I don't have the
desire or drive at 70 to refine, expand and/or embellish Bob Dylan and Me."
Some
intrepid, clever person may unearth this one fine day, more than likely, after
my and Mr. Dylan's demise, considering how these things often happen -- people
will be falling over themselves to make all sorts of assertions - " they can talk about me plenty when I'm gone".)
__________________________________________________________
We weren’t on the wrong side, sweetness/
We were the wrong side”
“Was
I a fool or not to try to protect
your identity?”
“Ain’t
Talkin'" by Bob Dylan
Autumn
2013
My initial reaction, from a former
blog
Imagine if you inspired and influenced
Bob Dylan? What if on top of that, he wrote songs for and about you?
Songs like “Lay Lady Lay,” “Tangled Up in Blue,” “Simple Twist of Fate,” “Make
You Feel My Love,” “Forgetful Heart” and an implausible dozen or two more?!
"Unbelievable"
B. Dylan
B. Dylan
These songs are listed for their
mainstream familiarity -- others such “Shelter from the Storm,” “Born in
Time,” “Oh Sister,” “Where Teardrops Fall,” ”In the Summertime,” “Shooting
Star” and “Born in Time,” to name a few, are equally stunning.
Rarely is a person's name noted in Bob
Dylan's songs and he would have to identify who every song is about himself and
that ain't likely to happen. If he
decided to even just "allude" to our long and enduring liaison of
over 40 years in Chronicles II, it
would be surprising and personally gratifying, ( it is troubling that a person who was significant part of one’s life
can simply be excised from an autobiography, but then privacy was important to
us both) -- if I'm still
around to read it that is, but now at 70 years old, being behind the scenes -- and
having lived with this secret in plain
sight is hardly a novelty.
__________________________________________________________
We were neighbors in Woodstock for a
time in the late 1960s and coincidentally lived around the corner from each
other in Greenwich Village in New York City for a couple of years in the 1970s. I also came to live in Los Angeles expectedly for five years
in the 1980s some time after he had moved to Malibu.
Inspired and compelled by the
insightful, spiritual and comparatively austere John Wesley Harding
album and particularly the luminous, mystical “I Shall Be Released.” I began writing
him about a year before Nashville Skyline was released and mailed him spoken-voice
audio cassette recordings before Blood on the Tracks after that. (I was technically
single for 27 years, but remarried some time before he recorded Love and
Theft.)
Marriages, divorces, family skepticism
and disapproval and other relationships, one would think, would have made more
of a difference in our association, insofar as our coming together was
concerned. In retrospect, however, it's
particularly obvious that it was the potent emotional and artistic impact that
fortified our connection for so many years and throughout numerous changes.
The past few of years I also maintained a blog, from which I edited
periodically and of which Bob is also aware.
"These people
meddlin' in our affairs, they're not our friends/Let's keep it between us."
***
“Why can't we love like we
did before?”
B.
Dylan
“I
had so much left to do
I had so little time to fail
There’s some people that
You don’t forget
Even though you’ve only seen ’m one time or two”
I had so little time to fail
There’s some people that
You don’t forget
Even though you’ve only seen ’m one time or two”
B. Dylan
________________________________________________________
“The
absolute freedom he required paradoxically resulted in oppressive constraint.”
It
don’t satisfy the hurt inside
nor the habit that it feeds”
B. Dylan
B. Dylan
“Idiot Winds”
B. Dylan
B. Dylan
“Million Miles”
“I give you
all of what I could provide”
B. Dylan
***
“….he’s tall, dark and handsome, and you’re holding his hand”
B. Dylan
"I Threw It All Away"
Bob Dylan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcFbyJ_HoSg
B. Dylan
"Mistake
your shyness for aloofness, your silence for snobbery
Got the message this morning, the one that was sent to me
About the madness of becoming what one was never meant to be"
Got the message this morning, the one that was sent to me
About the madness of becoming what one was never meant to be"
B. Dylan
"...I'd a-done anything for that woman
if she didn't make me feel obligated"
B. Dylan
if she didn't make me feel obligated"
B. Dylan
“Unsurprisingly most gifted, influential, successful
individuals are attractive – but these accomplishments and attributes also caused
him to feel the need protect himself and served to isolate him and
thereby made it virtually unachievable to meet him. I was never a stalker, and good manners
prevented me from bothering him at his homes (back then when I knew exactly
where he was), but I did attempt everything else I could think of to make
contact, but despite of my efforts and his
continuing encouragement, my insignificant station in life, lack of funds and
connections, (and the necessity to continuously and steadily persevere earning a
9-5 living, as well as many years being a single mother) -- made it impossible. Well known aspects
of his habits and personality were undoubtedly also a contributing factor."
“…And when finally the
bottom fell out
I became withdrawn
I became withdrawn
***
“Forgive
me, baby, for what I didn’t do
For not breakin’ down no bedroom door to get at you”
For not breakin’ down no bedroom door to get at you”
B. Dylan
"Most
everyone knows fantasy is custom made to satisfy every scenario, to be enjoyed
at leisure, without intrusion of mundane details or pedestrian considerations. It's
something most admiring listeners indulge in to some extent -- for us it was a
creation of a world apart."
“My audacious confidence originated
from youthful energy, idealism and an adventurous spirit and those
irreproducible moments of art that spontaneously evolved and manifested. Feelings of intimacy and validation also
ensued from my belief that he was the only person I've ever known who truly
appreciated me and understood the poetry I wrote for him. The freedom of
self-expression and the concept of egalitarianism that was explored and
encouraged in the 1960s by the so-called counter culture also contributed to
create the belief that anything was possible.”
"No
Time To Think"
B. Dylan
"Spirit
on the Water"
B. Dylan
“We were more than friends, but the fact remains
that when I was in need of conversation or an embrace, or more than once, when
I found myself actual dire straits, I could not count on him in any concrete
real way. He was and is not reachable. Imagine for a moment,
however, the suspense, exhilaration and reassurance that accompanied every album
release for literally decades.
"Together for Life"
B. Dylan
To know how much I really care"
B. Dylan
"I’m tellin’
myself I found true happiness
That I’ve still got a dream that hasn’t been repossessed”
That I’ve still got a dream that hasn’t been repossessed”
B. Dylan
“Pristine dreamlike moments of
perfection and assurances that surpassed the most extravagant desires grace my
history -- that and striving to overcome resentment due to neglect, secrets and
thoughtlessness. He, in turn, I want to believe, he has forgiven me my
inability to make it happen and the way I chose to attempt an escape from him and salvage something of
the life I had left after he had come into it.”
“Sugar baby, you
ain’t got no sense, no how”
B. Dylan
“From
an ancient hexagram: ‘To contemplate and be contemplated’ – Hearts were joined,
hearts were broken -- inspiration persisted throughout -- through all.”
______________________________________________________
Photo items:
1) IMPETUS - Fiction
2) Litany in Persian Green (Poems from the 1990s)
3) Conflagration of Spirits - Poetry Anthology
4) "The Black Collection" - Original Poems from 1960s and
1970s
5) Bob Dylan and Me - A True Story
6) Various
Poems/Reviews/Information/Comments &
Records Pertaining to Bob Dylan and Me
7) Memory Journal
8) Album of Art by AlexRa (Incomplete)
9) Manhattan is a Long Way from Montana by Rebecca
Rockwell (pseudonym)
Had more than enough? No? Well, there's this:
http://tenanthasmoved.blogspot.com/
There's also more poetry on the shelf and is that Bob Dylan and Me book outline about how it all happened. I dare say there are things only Bob and I understand and others we'll take into the grave with us. Not everything in life has to be talked about, recorded or turned into profit. ("Let's Keep It Between Us" and "Ain't Talkin'".)
http://tenanthasmoved.blogspot.com/
There's also more poetry on the shelf and is that Bob Dylan and Me book outline about how it all happened. I dare say there are things only Bob and I understand and others we'll take into the grave with us. Not everything in life has to be talked about, recorded or turned into profit. ("Let's Keep It Between Us" and "Ain't Talkin'".)
If Bob decides to publicly acknowledge our
history, it’s alright by me at this late juncture, but except for a couple of the better poetry recitations and the in fun singing parts, (if only to add a glimpse of credibility or if nothing else to amuse) I wouldn't want to have particularly sentimental letters and
tapes that represent blood, sweat and tears released. It best all be consigned to the flames
before he goes to meet Elvis (if
indeed that stuff still exists), so as not to fall into unkind hands.
"I tried to love and protect you because I cared"
Bob Dylan